The deployment goodbye

No one can prepare you for the moment you watch half of your heart walk towards that plane. 200 something days from the next time you hold each other. Each step getting further away from you and all you can do is let him go. They say you will never hug someone as hard as you do saying goodbye and/or welcoming your solider home from deployment. And while I haven't experienced the return yet, I can vouch for the fact that I clenched my husbands body with every ounce of strength I had. 

I left that day with the heaviest heart. A weight added to my shoulders that I am for certain will stay until his return, no matter how many smiles & good days I have in between. The fear and responsibility that comes with raising my daughter alone mixed with having to lay my head down at night, comfortably, while my husband fights for our freedom. 

But through ALL of that, i'm still here to share that I am hopeful. That most mornings my mind wants to immediately take me to that place of hurt & I have to reroute my direction and stay focused on being grateful. 

So I do. And I am. 

The days are long, the nights are longer, but the weeks have surprisingly gone at a jogging pace. We are almost 1 month in, with approximately 200 days to go, but I just leave that there in the back of my brain, locked away. Instead, I am choosing to find my purpose through this. Who am I meant to become? What am I meant to accomplish? How can I grow for myself and for our family?

I chose to make this year the year of YES. The year of committing to my best self, my best health, my best everything. The year to do all the things. Make new friends, find a church, host dinners, allow someone to watch our daughter, grow my business, get crafty, etc. I believe that by forcing myself OUT into the world that it will connect me to where I am supposed to be. I will have a servant heart and be for others what I long for. 

200 some days to make a difference. An impactful one. And when my mission is complete, my heart will return. 

hang on tight!