Welcoming my husband home <3

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It was here, the day every military wife waits for. It was HOMECOMING! Going through this process was LONG, it was tiring, it was just plain HARD. 2017 for me was supposed to be my " thrive not just survive year." It was supposed to be the year that by business grew exponentially, I juggled a business and motherhood, kept up with my house, and was the Pinterest pro military wife sending all the pretty boxes every month. 

But if I am being honest, I struggled. Being a mom is hard. Being away from the one you love is HARD and losing our dog in the way we lost her was/is absolutely heartbreaking. And for me, it turned into a JUST SURVIVE year.

One thing they forget to tell you about motherhood is how much it changes you. They will tell you over and over again that you'll never sleep again, or that it's tiring, and even frustrating at times. Then they will turn around and reassure you that it's hardest thing you'll ever love. And while all of those things are 100% true, they forgot to mention how much your child will CONSUME your every being. How nothing matters anymore but THEM. Their thoughts, their emotions, their well being. How we worry about them more than we worry about ourselves and if we can just make it through the day with them being happy, regardless of what it means for us, WE DO IT. 

It's actually incredibly exhausting. And really makes sense why a lot of new parents really struggle with PPD. You essentially lose your entire self , some in which never find their way back because they don't know how to juggle happiness for themselves and happiness for their family. That's a whole other post though.

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If you're tired, it doesn't matter. If you're sad, it doesn't matter. If you're anxious, it doesn't matter. 

I've really FELT the sacrifice it takes to be a mother, twice. First, when we lost our dog in June and 5 minutes after we said our goodbyes I had to turn around and put a smile on my face and continue being mom. 

The second, military homecoming. 

I had this moment in my head since the day I kissed him goodbye. What would it feel like? Would I run to him as he planted his feet on the ground? Would I jump into his arms while he spun me around? Would we cling hand in hand and skip off onto the open runway? I'm kidding .. but seriously, I'm a girl! And girls think about these things! We dream of this moment. 

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But none of that happened. And while I made myself sick anticipating that moment, when our eyes connected in person for the first time all that mattered was that our daughter felt comfortable and safe. Holding back the tears while the one you love stands just moments away from you, I had to stay strong.  

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The reunion was beautiful. More than I could ever dream of. And while our daughter was shocked that dad was really HERE, in person, she took to him within a few minutes. I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief. Maybe she just remembered him or maybe I did a damn good job of centering our home around family and showing daddy pictures daily. Either way, he was here with us and we were whole again. 

Mason ( my husband ) has never gotten to see her crawl, walk, talk, or eat by herself in person. When he left she was a baby, and now has sprouted into what mommy calls our " biggy girl."

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Our days following have been great. Minus a lot of jet lag and Marra expressing some jealously issues, we both feel centered, patient, and happy. As much as I wouldn't wish a deployment on anyone, it makes you incredibly grateful. I've woke up everyday for the last week with the biggest smile on my face for the simple fact that he was here.

He went back to work today, and just a text saying he'd be home was so joyous.

When you spend so much time away from someone, you would think that any moment WITHOUT them (once they return) would feel incredibly painful. But my reality is that it's quite the opposite. I enjoy the moments I do have and I stay focused on the time I do have because I am not naive to think that before we know it, he will be off again. 

So until then, let there be memories. 

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Natalie BaileyComment